So long, but what was it for?
I have been struggling to find the meaning of life. Mostly mine, but I wonder yours is.
Life appears pre-scheduled for the people around me: wake up, work, watch TV for a bit, doomscroll, repeat. Occasionally vacation. There's no spontaneity, no fun. Maybe some fake sense of achievement here and there, but nothing to be proud of.
I don't want that. However, when I sit to think about what I do want, the improbability of doing many cool things with many cool people, making close friends or finding a girlfriend quickly sum to one.
I don't know about the future. I was too late to discover any talent I had or, for that matter, could have developed, and now am below average. I will never work on cutting-edge research, never travel abroad to learn a new language and collaborate with others. I will be forever stuck in this loveless prison of mediocrity that I maybe shouldn't have built.
I always think there exist this subset of people who are unreachable without going to a good school or any events that are invite-based (MIT, olys, etc). Platforms that used to be good venues such as YC now seem to only fund vibe-coded slop. What other avenues are there to find good friends?
This reality truly feels far worse than the Matrix. Finding out nothing is left yet being forced to exist only makes me thing about how better life was for the plague-infested people millennia before.
As for finding a girlfriend, I will remain alone. She mustn't have to deal with my bullshit (and reduced life expectancy).